HAIR SHIRT  noun.   worn by penitent religious freaks back in the olden days to say sorry to God. Used as a form of oblique apology. Usage: "I'm just popping to Tescos and buy a hair shirt.."

KIND REGARDS  phrase.   in a written communication, the equivalent of nice.  Under the terms of the SVC Convention (fourth amendment, Clause 3, para 5, subsection 11), anyone caught using this kind of language will be locked in a small room and forced to listen to Bucks Fizz's Greatest Hits until the blackness of insanity descends upon them.

NICE  adj.  the most evil and vile adjective in the Universe.  Due to extensive aversion therapy inflicted by SVC teaching staff during their tender years, some classmates still find themselves unable to speak or even think this foul four letter word even today.

TAURUS FAECETUM   noun, lat.  educated acclaimation of doubt over the authenticity of
the statement of a fellow interlocutor. See also: Taurus Faecetor

TAURUS FAECETOR   noun,lat.   person given to uttering Taurus Faecetum. [editor's note: I never did latin at school, but I recognise BS when I see it...]

VERBOSE  adj.  Florid. Gobby.  Using sixteen words when eight will do.

VICIOUS CIRCLE noun, spec.   1. Ingenious attempt to link a whole range of causes and effects in a way which makes the audience think you have thought an argument through in a systematic way.  2. (drawing of)  Method of buying time to panic and think whilst drawing floridly on the board and maintaining a semblance of calm and control whilst recognising that the kids know more than you do about the subject matter.